He and I had a lovely conversation. We hugged at the end. He said thank you. I said you’re welcome. I also chuckled inside because… of course he sat down next to me of all people and made that stupid ass comment :) thanks for the free snacks sir.

I’m a big believer in exercising today for the sake of exercising today. Yes, I get the idea of creating patterns and “healthy habits” and all that good stuff, but since I was 8, I’ve been reading articles about how I’m supposed to have a “healthy BMI” and in order to do that, I’m supposed to be exercising for 30 minutes per day 4-100 times per week blah blah blah. Well let me go ahead and tell you something - according to my BMI, I’m overweight - I almost always have been. Did you know that one of my goals, for a very long time, was to be in the underweight category? Damn y’all - I know I’m not alone here. Being taught at a young age to bypass my body’s needs by sticking to a rigorous exercise and eating schedule had a funny way of sucking the joy out of moving my body completely. And when something SUCKS, we generally don’t want to do it. The only thing that has brought joy back to movement for me has been surrounding myself with folks who also exercise for the sake of exercising today, and learning that whatever I do can be exercise, so now, I only do what I like because I like it… today.*

We aren’t going to be perfect – ever. That’s part of the human condition. But we can be honest, we can be trustworthy, we can be compassionate – not just nice, or polite, or sweet – but actual compassion and kindness (these things include truth and the truth can be really challenging), we can listen to understand, we can ask for what we need, we can make empowered choices, we can trust and believe in collaboration over competition, we can empower each other, we can share, and we can do inner healing work because “the work we do on ourselves is the work we do on the world.”

To all the yoga teachers (especially the thin white women who can do a lot of bendy things), fitness instructors, studio owners, marketing professionals, instagram models (which are not the same as fitness professionals although many seem to believe otherwise), whatever models, personal trainers…

As a small business owner, I can't say this has been the most profitable way to do things, but I can say that it's important, necessary, and if I'm able to be a better person than I used to be, make a little bit of an impact, and enough money to pay for what we need around here, I'm good with that.
So when I say thank you for being here - I frfr mean that shit.
xo, k

God knows I don’t know what’s best for everyone, but what I DO know is that I have been given an incredible gift - a life WITH my mother - and though we argue and hurt each other, Mom, I’m better because of you and I’ve grown into a better woman than I could have possibly been without you. I’m not afraid of arguing with you because I know that you’ll always be there and I hope you know the same with me. Also, I GET to argue with you because you’re here. Because I can call you whenever I want. And because I can visit and eat cheese and crackers and choose my birthday cake. 

I’m a thin white woman in the “fitness industry.” I may not be one of those skinny skinny gals on the gram selling you green juice... but I’ve identified as being fat and feeling like I understand what it’s like to exist in the world in a fat body, but I don’t. I never have. Larger than some? Yep. Smaller than most? 100%

And as I’m writing this, I’m listening to Caroline Spence’s new song in the background. “I don’t need you to solve any problem at all. I just need you to sit here and love me.” And that’s how I’m approaching how I feel right now - I don’t need to solve this. I don’t need to completely understand all the ins and outs of all of this. For me, right now, that’s too much pressure and I feel incapable of that. Also, me and my feelings don’t need solving. We’re not broken… we’re just having a rough go of it right now. So I’m sitting here, and loving myself, forgiving myself, in the best way that I know how.

In November I asked them to take my pictures off the wall and told them that I won’t support their brand any longer. I don’t support a white-washed version of thin Instagram yoga models. I just don’t. It’s images like that that allowed ME to believe that I wasn’t enough, which is why I struggled with disordered eating, disordered exercise, and eating disorders for such a long time…

This is what self-care and balance look like for me in my life, with what I know, as I currently am. I sometimes don’t take good care of myself - I don’t realize it when I’m not. And then things get out of control. I go through periods where I don’t practice self-awareness or self-compassion or mindfulness, and then something happens, and then I spiral. And then I come back to my heart and to reality and to authenticity… And then I just keep growing.

We won’t let you talk shit about yourself just like we won’t let you talk shit about someone else. And that, my friends, is not weakness. Kindness is not weakness. Love is not weakness. Community is not weakness. Love and openness require a shit ton of strength. It takes stepping outside of what you know and what makes you comfortable. That takes courage. And courage can move mountains. 

In an industry full of “get lean quick” and “lose weight fast” and “burn more calories” getFIT615 is different. We’re in the fitness world… but we do things differently. We sweat here and we get stronger here and we try new things here just like most places, but no matter what you can or can't do, with us you’re always enough. And if I had never started to believe that I was enough, I surely wouldn’t be able to co-create a space where other people believe they’re enough. Because if I don’t believe that I’m enough, I can’t possibly believe that someone else is enough. And if I can’t believe that enough is, in fact, enough then, well… we’re fucked. 

So as far as avoiding those “unwanted” pounds over the holidays goes… fucking eat what you want! Gain a few pounds. Stop spending your life’s precious moments obsessing over your weight and instead, enjoy. Enjoy whatever it is that you do. Watch your body in motion. Notice the messages that you see on social media and hear from your friends… does the messaging align with you loving yourself? Ask questions. Have opinions. Would you say that to someone you love? No?! Then don't say that to yourself. Take it back. Say something kind. Think for yourself. Lean into love.